When I started this blog back in 2010 it was because I was so over being overweight. At the time I was 24 and around 220 pounds.
While I wasn’t unhappy with life, I was very unhappy about my weight and was quite insecure. Back then I blamed it all (or at least most of it) on being bullied throughout middle school. And while I know my self-consciousness and low self-esteem stems from that, it’s so much more than that.
It took a lot of years and a lot of work to realize that those years didn’t need to define me. I was the only one holding on to what those kids were saying and no one around me seemed that affected by the past, so why was I holding on to it? I don’t remember what clicked, but I ended being able to let go of as much as I could at the time.
What I ended up realizing was that constantly looking in the mirror and telling myself that I was overweight, and essentially not pretty because of that, was the most damaging thing of all.
OF COURSE I wasn’t losing weight. In fact, I was gaining.
In March 2012, I hit my highest weight (252.6) and then in October 2013, I recommitted to losing weight. That happened over, and over, and over again. I kept recommitting and hardly ever saw the number move the direction I wanted it to.
If I didn’t love myself enough to realize that I AM enough, then what was the point of losing weight? Who was I doing it for? I kept telling myself and everyone one that it was for me, but it finally hit me that I wanted to lose weight to change what people saw when they first met me or when I saw people after who knows how many years.
How was that going to help me? Doing it for others? And let me be clear, this light bulb going off, it did not happen over night. It started out very dimly lit and brightened up over time. I went through a tough depression period in 2015. It lasted for a while and it was during that time, the books I was reading and the help I was getting from friends, made me look at things differently.
And now for that part that I had seen and heard so many times before, but it didn’t make sense until I realized that I needed to love myself no matter what! (Thank you #30daybodylove!)
All of this to say, if you’re trying to lose weight, whether it’s been days, months, or years, know that it starts with you.
Take time for yourself.
Learn to love yourself.
You are worth it. The love, the care, the support. Everything.
With that being said, I am SUPER happy to say that from my highest weight in 2012, as of March 16, 2016, I am down a total of 34.4 pounds! Which is the most weight I’ve ever lost.
It took me four years of small losses and gains, but now that I’ve actually made time for myself and learned that not everyone stares at you when you walk into a room/restaurant/anywhere, I’m happier, taking better care of myself, wearing clothes that aren’t super baggy, AND I’m losing weight.
Wins all around when you (learn to) love yourself.