I Am Beautiful. I Am Loved. I Am Enough.

A major part of my anxiety and obsessive thoughts have revolved around comparing.

I will say that I’m an observer and it’s definitely biting me in the brain now. I’m always looking around and see what’s around me – and normally that’s other people.

Over the past month I’ve gotten in a terrible cycle of comparing.

Thankfully, I had Reform Your Inner Mean Girl on my Kindle… (While I got it for free, this book has been very helpful in working through this.)

I recently got to the step of giving a face and a name to my inner mean girl and here she is, Cindy the Comparer.IMG_8282She always has black clouds looming and carries that mirror around with vengeance.

All the thoughts that run through my head are things like this:

“I wish I was thin like her.
I want to be able to wear cute clothes like that and feel good about it.
Makeup makes everyone else’s features pop so much.
Being successful like x, y, and z would be awesome.”

And then I get on Facebook and see people leave comments like “Oh, you’re so skinny and beautiful.” And while said person may be thin/fit/skinny, I can’t wrap my head around that as a compliment. Is being skinny the only way to be/feel beautiful?

Either way, I have to remind myself (what seems to be) a billion times a day that…I-am-beautifulMy weight does not define me. It does not make me who I am. It has nothing to do with my personality. If people don’t want to get to know me because of my weight or how I look, totally fine with that. No one needs that in their life.

When it comes to clothes, I’ve never been comfortable in tight clothes. And I don’t like the feeling that I’m hanging out of my top. I like to wear “funny” shirts and shorts from time to time. (Or most of the time.) While I do feel that once I lose some more weight I may be more comfortable in certain things. I wear what I want and it shouldn’t matter what others wear, right? For now, I’ll stick with changing up my glasses.

IMG_8296I have never been a makeup wearer. I’m not saying it’s bad to wear it and love it, but it’s just that I wore some for a short period of time and realized it was not for me. It could be fun to wear once in a while, but I just don’t.

Success is a funny thing. Everyone’s level of accomplishments are different. For the past few years, I’ve been wondering where I want to go on a career path. I love transcribing, and yeah I can do it from anywhere, but being in the house all the time is not me. I need the social aspect of work in my life. Success for me is being happy across the board – home life, seeing family and friends, laughing, having a job that I love.

I’m still not sure what I want to do for work, but my gut has recently been leaning toward photography. Who knows what that means/entails, and heck, that could change, but I need to do what makes me happy.

And that comes with learning to love (and trust) the new and improved Cindy the Comparer and myself.

I am beautiful.
I am loved.
I am enough.

4 thoughts on “I Am Beautiful. I Am Loved. I Am Enough.

  1. (((hugs))) You are beautiful. You are loved, and you are enough! I’m so glad you’re finding a way to shut Cindy down. Being happy in your own skin and loving who you are is the absolute best thing you can do for yourself. Then you’ll find everything else comes along with ease. I know its working for me.
    Adore the new glasses! They’re super cute on you. Also, good on you for not wearing makeup! You’re saving your skin from a lot of unnecessary stuff, and that’s why it shines!

    • Thank you SO much! That means more than you know – all of it 🙂 I definitely have some work to do with loving myself, but I can see and feel changes happening slowly.

  2. Late to the party, but I love this – as a comparer myself, it’s so easy to get bogged down in negative thoughts and comparisons that you lose sight of the fact that you need to live life for you, not anyone else.

    • Thanks so much. And you’re right, it’s so easy to just look around no matter where you are and starting finding the “good” in others (looks wise at least) and then not even realize that you’re putting yourself down. Do they make blinders that I can use on a daily basis?! 🙂

      I’m really trying to do what’s best for me and be happy with my body as it is now.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.