Another tearful session. Thankfully I was feeling better and able to talk more.
We started off by going over the questions that I asked my mom and the therapist got some insight on that. And I learned some things about my mom and family..which is a good thing.
The second part of the session was talking about relationships. Mainly my issues with them. (Oh hey vagueness..there you are!) I was given homework to read a romance novel. And let me just say, when I say romance, I do NOT mean 50 Shades of Grey style. Nope. I decided on Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire. I started it two days ago and I’m already 48% (thanks Kindle data) through it. I really, really like it.
The last and biggest part was about the car accident. She asked if I was ready to talk about it since the anniversary is this month and wanted to see if I was ready to work on it. I said yes.
And now I take a deep breath as I try to type this out.
Our car accident happened 9 years ago this month – January 31 – and I have some major homework to do.
A couple of months after the accident my parents told some shocking news about the passenger of the other car. He had passed away in the hospital.
I sent the driver a letter to make sure that she was okay and to know I was thinking about her – she lost her husband (the passenger) and I wanted her to know that we were both okay. Even though it may be selfish of me, it hurt that I never heard anything back. So that’s where this ‘assignment’ came from.
I am to write letters to whomever and whatever I want that is related to the accident. We brainstormed some ideas and here’s the list that we came up with:
- The driver
- The firefighters
- My car
- The couple who stayed with me at the gas station
- Jeff, then
- Jeff, now
- Me, then
- Me, now
- The traffic light
- Red light runners
- The passenger
While some of these probably seem really odd, I think this will all be very good for me.
Oh and I will NOT be writing all of these letters at once.
I am to find a ritual and a comfy place in the house to write them. Away from everything and to just let the tears flow. And yes, there will be lots of tears. (I’ll need to keep a water bottle next to me to keep me hydrated.)
The thing about these letters is they will be let go. In some way. I’m not sure yet how I want them to disappear, but they will.
While I would love, love, love to go back to the scene of the accident and release them there, that will not be happening. It’s hard enough for us to go through that intersection now. I definitely won’t be going back on the anniversary of the accident.
Top contender in my mind: burn them.
Any ideas on “letting them go”?
Hey! First was great to see you the other night.
Second… my suggest is making burning them a party. Invite everyone you know. Let’s just get this done for you. I know it will be emotional and tearful, but I really think that if you get together a group of people and read each one out loud before burning it you’ll experience the catharsis that you seem to need on this.
If you do this, and I am not away, I promise you now I will be there.
It was great to see you too! And how dare you make me cry! I do love that idea though. I’m not sure if I’d be able to read them out loud, but a celebration of burning them sounds like a grand idea. Hmm…might need to give this some thought on where to hold this thing.